It has been quite a while since I’ve take the time to write, and to be quite honest I have missed it immensely.
The last tie I can remeber sitting down and writing, I had been learning how to be a mother while still fighting tokeep the identity I had lost when my son was born. It was the hardest adjustment- to learn how to be the same human being physically, but a completely new person mentally. This new person was a mother with a rather large undertaking of raising another human being to be a kind, compassionate, and successful person. This new person no longer had to abilities to get up and leave the house without planning extensively, or going out with friends at the drop of a hat. This new person was also so heavily in denial that she had postpartum depression, that though she loved her baby there were days where she was filled with such regret she felt so ashamed, or that some days she just wanted to run away. This new person fought hard to overcome the social stigma of young moms- the doubting, the stereotypes, the “well you did this to yourself..” way of thinking, but if we are being quite honest, this new person fought the most with herself. She fought the self-doubt, the self-shaming, the voice inside of her head telling her she could not do this. This new person had to relearn to love herself in ways she would have never thought she would have to have learned at such a young age. It took every ounce of fight to admit that she did not enjoy the first year of her child’s life as much as she wished she had, that his constant crying from pain doctors could not pinpoint, or his constant night wakings that sometimes racked to upwards of 10 times a night- all of this she had to fight to admit so that she could get better and be the mom that little boy deserved. And in the end that new person was not so new, in fact that new person was quite old.
Since we last left you we have also grown as a family. In December we added our new little bundle- a little boy named Oliver, and since he has became another light in my otherwise dim world. Oliver allowed my heart to grow in ways I could never fathom. This little boy has shown me how I can enjoy motherhood, and has not only shown me how strong I can be as a mother, but has also allowed me to give myself a second chance at being one that is allowed to be happy. He has sewn the wounds I gave to myself and has repaired the relationship I felt so strained between myself and my oldest baby. His birth came at a perfect time and these two little me complete my life in ways I do not think I could ever truly deserve, but boy do I feel completely blessed.
On this blog I will continue to write about our family, our adventures, and I will update soon on my school & career plans. For those still with us we thank you, and for those who will join us, welcome.
I want to leave my mommas with this:
Remember that no matter the way in which we choose to parent, the struggles we may face, we are always enough for the precious babies that we have brought into this world. Our children love us the most fervently, no matter the faults we may have.